Goto 10 Dedication: My Dad

Dementia sucks

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Today is the two-year anniversary of Goto 10, which I started in February 2022. I feel it is now time that I wrote about the main reason why I decided to start a retrocomputing blog.

But first, here is some background.

A few years earlier (in 2019) my Dad, out of the blue, gave me a bunch of his old Atari 800XL computer stuff he had been saving. I set it all up here, but was not really using it regularly, other than playing the occasional game of Joust.

After using the 8-bit for a while, I again got the urge to acquire an Atari ST. After spending much of 2021 researching and searching eBay, In late summer I finally found a 1040ST in the local area (New Hampshire) and drove there to buy it. A few months later I found another one on eBay (as a local pick up in Cape Cod) and also bought that one (a 3+ hour drive each way!). It was fun getting them cleaned and set up, but I found I was not really using them all that much.

Around that time I had started writing about my early computing history with the thought that I would see if perhaps I might have enough material for a short book. I banged out a very rough draft in a few weeks, but then didn’t really do anything with it.

As luck would have it, in Feb 2022 the company I worked for switched to a 4-day workweek, allowing me an extra day to focus on personal things. I decided that I would start writing about retro computers as a way to encourage me to actually use my growing retro collection, starting with some of the content I wrote as a draft for the book.

I still have plans to collect most Goto 10 posts into a book, but I don’t have any specific timeline.

That is the background, but the primary reason why I started Goto 10 was that my Dad was having some trouble communicating well and I thought he would enjoy reading about how he helped kickstart my foray into computers back in the 80s.

It soon became evident what the exact reason for my Dad’s recent difficulties was when, just a month or so after I started Goto 10, he was diagnosed with dementia.

The signs were easy to miss because my Dad has always been a quiet guy and also was known for forgetfulness. It was not unusual for him to not participate much in group conversations and for him to forget things you told him.

But it seemed to be getting worse in recent years and we were finally able to convince him to agree to get tested by his doctor. The test result showed this was not just normal age-related forgetfulness; it was dementia.

Throughout 2022 I spent my Fridays visiting with my parents and taking my Dad to various appointments for speech therapy and to see his neurologist.

By the end of 2022 he had a more official diagnosis of ”Unspecified dementia without behavioral disturbance, amnestic”. As you may know, there is no cure for dementia. With luck it might stabilize at a specific level, but it usually just gets worse over time.

So I’ve been spending most of my free days visiting my parents and one thing my Dad likes to hear me talk about is retrocomputing. Although he subscribes to the newsletter and gets the emails, it is too challenging for him to read through an entire one.

But he does like it when I talk about what I’ve written or what I’m thinking about writing. When I visit, I can tell him about the latest post, posts I’m working on and show him other retro stuff I’ve collected. He seems to enjoy this even if he no longer really remembers many of the stories from the 80s that I’ve been telling.

This all makes me sad of course, but spending time with him helps. In some ways, writing Goto 10 is therapy for me. I guess it’s a way for me to deal with this situation, because there is nothing that can really be done about it.

So I want to thank all of my readers. The many thousands of you reading my writing about retro computing is greatly appreciated and also helps keep me motivated to write about retrocomputing.

Dementia is a terrible disease for everyone involved. It’s hard for my Dad because he doesn’t realize what is happening. It is hard for my family because even though we can explain it to him, he won’t really remember it. It is especially hard for my Mom because of the the extra care that is needed. My Dad can still take care of himself for the most part, but he does require a watchful eye and repeating lots of things, which can be exhausting.

With each visit, it seems like another little bit of what I remember about him is gone, so it is important to take advantage of the now by spending time together.

Dad, thank you. Goto 10 is dedicated to you.

A retro look at me and my Dad